Friday, December 11, 2015

This is how a psychologist cured my schizophrenia. Not.




So this psychologist in a bar approaches me and says, "Dave, you're kind of funny. You should become a comedian."

So I followed his advice and morphed myself into me: Safety Pat the Proud Schizophrenic Clown! Now I know it's the whole entire world that's mad, mad, mad, mad, mad! I'm not crazy! I'm the only normal one! Case closed! Shred my psychiatrist's health insurance reimbursement documents about his case study of me! Take the shreds and rain my confetti on the very next gay pride clown parade here in Asbury Park, New Jersey!

No more shrinks! Let's fire my Behavior Change Team of eight, a half-dozen overpaid Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) dirty, rotten, egghead scoundrels and my uninformed-consenting Mommy and Daddy to the behavior change plans they impose upon my coconut brain! My best friend Alphabet Soup Ed can find me a quack to prescribe me medical marijuana as an alternative to antipsychotics! Yeah, that's the ticket. I'm cured, for good and for all! Right?

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I am an advocate for people with disabilities certified to teach special education with a Master of Arts in Teaching. I am not a Licensed Psychologist or a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. When in doubt, seek the advice of an MD, a PhD, or a BCBA. My ability to analyze the ethics of ABA stems from the fact that I am disabled and ABA interventions are often done to people like me, which I voluntarily accept, but only when I alone am the person granting consent, and not a parent, sibling, guardian, or institution.