Saturday, May 13, 2017

Do you know why God made our nostrils as wide as our index fingers?


Do you know why God made our nostrils as wide as our index fingers? Why, so we can pick our noses in comfort, of course. That's what an all good, all powerful God would do for us, for if fingers were too fat for our snouts, then how could we enjoy picking them? We could rip apart our nose ends, and only the Devil would make that happen and God's over on the mate down under, right, Father? Anyhow, even if it warn't so bad as tearing it up from the inside out, why, just try jamming your big fat thumb up your nose and pulling out a decent green, red, and brown chunky piece of snot. It's next to impossible with the thumb and that's quite a wide gap you stretch out just to jam it good and far up the cavern. You'll see. Go ahead, Father. Give it a go from behind the screen. God don't want us to suffer, since He's all good and all powerful, so by this line of reasoning, that's why the index finger fits a set of air holes like a latex glove under all its many prodding usages up the corpus, indisputably. Now, just for trial-and-error theory making, stumble your pinky inside and try to pry loose a goober, the kind where you get to clean your sinuses, if you're lucky, when a long, gooey string of white-blood-cell gob comes from a pipe, all clearing you right out for a good hairy nose breath once again. Does it work? Which finger is "most scientifically effective"? Hey, are you a nose breather or a mouth breather? I can't see you from behind the curtain, but I can hear you breathing pretty darned hard. Anyhow, bless me, Father, for I have sinned....

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I am an advocate for people with disabilities certified to teach special education with a Master of Arts in Teaching. I am not a Licensed Psychologist or a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. When in doubt, seek the advice of an MD, a PhD, or a BCBA. My ability to analyze the ethics of ABA stems from the fact that I am disabled and ABA interventions are often done to people like me, which I voluntarily accept, but only when I alone am the person granting consent, and not a parent, sibling, guardian, or institution.